NO. 13: Battletoads (Dropped Pilot)
Believe it or not, DKC wasn’t the only Rare game to suffer a god-awful cartoon adaptation. This one, dating a few years back, centers around the origins of the protagonists of the titular hard-as-nails NES beat ’em up, and looking back on it, I can see why this wasn’t picked up for a full series. Putting aside the TERRIBLE animation, I’m not even sure if I can refer what’s in this thing as actual writing. It’s literally nothing more than lame jokes and catchphrases! I also have to mention the theme song. Just…why. The game, even with all of its’ problems (which I’ll get into when I review it some day), had a rockin’, catchy theme tune that I’ve yet to get out of my head. The theme in THIS on the other hand? The most obnoxious surfer dude music that I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Battletoads: Did you really expect a quality cartoon from the same people that brought you AOSTH?
NO . 12: Candibalism (Viva Pinata)
And here we have yet another cartoon based off of a Rare game! Good lord, and people think that their acquisition by Microsoft was the worst thing to ever happen to them. Oh, and for an added bonus, it’s made by these guys! As it turns out, their ineptitude wasn’t limited just to anime dubs. Anyways, the plot revolves around Fergy, one of the pinatas from the game, ordering a chocolate rabbit for some kind of dance party that the pinatas are holding. When his cravings ultimately get the better of him, he decides to disguise the rabbit as his “cousin”. However, when he’s caught feasting on the disguised rabbit whom he already introduced to the pinatas, he ends up getting put on trial in a sequence that’s kind of like the Three Stooges short “Disorder in the Court”. However, while The Three Stooges are actually funny, this is just painful. While the animation resembles the game well enough and the voice actors do a surprisingly decent job for the most part, the premise alone makes no sense whatsoever. It doesn’t matter whether or not the rabbit is someone’s “cousin”, if you still intend on eating it, you’ll still be committing “Candibalism” in a way! And then there’s the ending, which I won’t spoil. But just to give you a hint of sorts, let’s just say it pretty much nullifies the moral that this episode was going for. Candibalism: Can we agree that there shouldn’t be another Rare cartoon adaptation again, EVER?
NO. 11: Disc Derby Fiasco (Q*Bert)
Okay, I can get behind Sonic having some cartoons. I can get behind Donkey Kong having a cartoon. I could even get behind Rayman having a cartoon. But Q*Bert? Freaking Q*Bert? A game where you literally just jump on cubes and discs and avoid weird enemies? I mean, it’s a fun game and all, but was there REALLY any sort of demand for a cartoon series? Anyways, this show was part of “Saturday Supercade” a variety show produced by Ruby-Spears that followed the exploits of several well-known video game characters at the time, such as Donkey Kong (yes, believe it or not there are TWO DK cartoons, a whopping three if you count the DK Junior one), Frogger, and everyone’s favorite, Kangaroo! You know…Kangaroo? That one game where you go around dodging apples and punching monkeys?….anyone?
Anyways, this episode revolves around Q*Bert, who’s a teenager in this show and – HOLD ON A SECOND! He’s a teenager!? I’m sorry, but what is the point behind making video game characters teenagers? It didn’t work for Pac-Man, and it sure as hell doesn’t work for Q*Bert judging by this episode! Anyways, the plot revolves around Q*Bert participating in a flying disc race, the prize for winning being tickets to a rock concert. However, when his disc gets stolen by Coily (one of the main enemies from the game who is also a teenager in this), he must get it back before the race starts. The main problem that this episode has is kind of the same as No Parking: there’s not really much of a plot, but rather stuff just happening. Q*Bert’s disc gets stolen, he gets it back, he wins the race, and that’s literally all that there is. There’s also an abundance of new characters which add to the overall bland demeanor of this show, all of them being generic and even a bit stereotypical in some cases. Now that I think about it, Ghostly Adventures is kind of a spiritual successor to this show in some ways: both revolve around the premise of inexplicably turning a beloved arcade game character into a teenager, both have bad animation and stale writing, and both are just completely forgettable in every aspect. Disc Derby Fiasco: Well, at least we have Q*Bert’s appearance in Wreck-it-Ralph to make up for this.
To be concluded…